When you go to the doctor, it’s usually because you have some sort of ailment that you just can’t fix yourself. No matter how many times you have read hundreds of symptoms on WebMD, you’re still not a doctor and have to finally take yourself to the doctor. Well recently, 16 anonymous doctors were asked to explain their dumbest patients ever. Here are their answers. I know I have asked some dumb questions in my life, but these really take the cake.
1. I am pretty sure they go over this in the maturation program in 5th grade. Maybe she was absent that day.
2. “A woman came in for a baby check with her 6-month-old and she had what looked like chocolate milk in the baby’s bottle. So he started explaining to her as kindly as he could that she shouldn’t be giving her baby chocolate milk. At which point she interrupts him and says, “Oh that isn’t chocolate milk. It’s coffee! He just loves it!”
3. How do parents not know that caffeine and soda are not the best things for a baby? No wonder the baby probably wasn’t sleeping through the night.
4. “I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner. Progressing through my assessment, she further divulged that even if he was sleeping with other people it shouldn’t matter because he uses a condom every time and he makes sure to wash it thoroughly after ever use.”
5. That’s what happens when you get your sex education from rap music.
6. “Had a lady who measured her baby’s temperature by pre-heating the oven and putting one hand in front of it while the other hand was on the baby’s forehead. She told the nurse her baby’s fever was about 250 degrees.”
7. I fear for this woman’s kids as they get older.
8. “Lady has to have foot amputated and is given waiver forms to sign pre-op. Buddy asks if she needs time to think about it. She’s very nonchalant and doesn’t seem to care much what they do. He gets suspicious and probes a bit as to why she’s not more concerned. She says she gets that they have to operate and it’s OK because the foot will grow back.”
9. Would that even be remotely comfortable?
10. “I had a couple who had been trying to conceive for over two years. I asked all the usual questions, how often do you have sex, any previous pregnancy, etc., etc. Something seemed off to me during the consult, so I continued to ask questions. Finally I asked if he ejaculated while inserted into the vagina. Both parties looked confused. Turns out the couple was not having insertional sex at all. I had to awkwardly explain to them how insertional sex works. Diagrams were required.”
11. The part that gets me is that the doctor says an old man came into the office. After let’s say 60 years, why would he think of getting it checked out now?
12. “Patient comes in, she’s upset. She’s pregnant, and she doesn’t understand why. She’s on the pill. Upon talking to her at great length, I found out that she only takes the pills on the days that she is sexually active — no other time.”
13. I guess that prescription is a 2 for 1 – not only does it protect against pregnancy, but it also is a great fashion accessory.
14. “Patient comes in with her boyfriend. They are indignant, as if somehow I could’ve prevented [the pregnancy]. The problem? Well, the pills were bothering the girl’s stomach, so, being a gallant boyfriend, he decided to start taking them instead.”
15. A band-aid should fix that, no problem!
16. “I was explaining the treatment to the husband of a patient about to be discharged. He kept nodding and agreeing with me, but I knew it was flying over his head. Turned out a fundamental problem was that I was describing the drugs as ‘tablets’ and he had no clue what those were.”
Wow, these are definitely a whole new level of stupid. I can’t believe these people actually managed to survive as long as they have. Here is one case where ignorance is definitely not bliss!
Don’t Forget To Share These Stupid Patients With Your Friends